


all wash out

by wawayaga



Series: hyojoon [1]
Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstanding, hyojin is kind of an asshole but that's canon so, idiots to lovers, very brief mention of mixnine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:14:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29756682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wawayaga/pseuds/wawayaga
Summary: hyojin and seungjoon have been best friends for a long time. a misunderstanding makes hyojin realize that's not all they could be.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Series: hyojoon [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190852
Comments: 17
Kudos: 55





	all wash out

Hyojin met Seungjoon for the first time outside of their school waiting to pass uniform check. There wasn’t any slowing of time or piano melodies playing when their eyes met that morning but Hyojin knew he’d remember it for the rest of his life all the same. Seungjoon with the bright eyes and too wide smile. 

That was thirteen years ago and thirteen years was a long time. Half their lives, really. But that was too depressing to think about and made Minkyun and Jaeyoung whine out twin “ _aigoo_ _cute”_ s whenever Hyojin mentioned it. 

He’d realized at an interview for some publication or another. They’d asked him who he was closest with in the group and Seungjoon had immediately interrupted with a “ _Me!_ _Hyojinnie and I have been best friends since we were kids!”_ And Hyojin had shoved him aside with a reminder that they hadn’t asked _him_ the question. 

“Seungjoon-ah,” Hyojin nudged him with the back of his hand. They were back home, curled together on the couch in the living room, Hyojin’s laptop playing some movie with the volume turned low on the table in front of them. “Did you realize we’ve been friends for half our lives?” 

“We’ll be friends forever, Hyojinnie,” Seungjoon told him before snuggling deeper into the blanket they shared and falling asleep. 

\--

When Hyojin had cried over his first crush rejecting his confession Seungjoon had been the one to rub his back. 

“She’s silly anyway. Haven’t you noticed her socks never match?” 

“Your socks never match either,” Hyojin said wetly and Seungjoon waved him off. 

“That’s different,” he told Hyojin and that had been the end of that. 

When Seungjoon got the call about his grandmother during mixnine Hyojin had been the one to catch him. He’d taken one look at his friend’s face and known he was about to crumple. Hyojin had never moved so fast. He bundled Seungjoon in his arms and secreted him away to an empty dressing room so he could break down in private. 

They’d done everything together but it wasn’t until Berlin that Hyojin realized what being friends for so long meant. He’d known, to some extent, that Seungjoon was there in most of his memories. Graduations, birthdays, holidays. Seungjoon had been there for all the milestones in Hyojin’s life just like Hyojin had been there for his. 

“All my firsts have been with you,” he tells Seungjoon at that little table on the sidewalk. He forgets the camera is even there, it feels like such an earth shattering realization and his world is narrowed down to _hyojinandseungjoon_ \- same breath, just like it’d been since they’d become friends in middle school. Thick as thieves, never one without the other, a matched set. 

Hyojin isn’t quite sure what the feeling taking root in his chest is but he knows he feels different, having come to this conclusion.

He isn’t expecting Seungjoon’s reply to be, “I’ve had firsts without you.” Not in a hundred million years does he ever expect that to be what he says. 

It’s his first clue that Seungjoon keeps things from him.

\--

His second is during Road to Kingdom. Well, after. 

He’s used to Seungjoon flirting with everyone, that’s what Seungjoon _does_ . So when he gets especially giggly around the guys from Pentagon, Hyojin isn’t surprised. He sees Seungjoon reaching out his hand to take Hwitaek’s phone and enter in his KKT info, sees Hwitaek ignore Seungjoon’s smile that means _I’m a sure thing_. Hyojin sees Seungjoon walk back over to their group swinging his hips just in case Hwitaek is watching (he isn’t). 

Hyojin’s sure it doesn’t mean anything so a couple months later, when he comes home late from practice ready to curl up on the couch with Seungjoon to watch another shitty movie he’s confused when he isn’t there. 

“Yuto, where’s Seungjoon?” 

“Out with Hwitaek-hyung. Didn’t he tell you?”

No he hadn’t _told_ Hyojin. Why hadn’t he told Hyojin?

“I must have forgotten. You wanna watch a movie?”

Yuto lights up at the suggestion and Hyojin feels the pit in his stomach close up a little bit. 

\--

The jingle of the keypad wakes him up. He’d apparently fallen asleep during the movie and Yuto had covered him with a blanket. 

“Joonie? S’at you?” Hyojin isn’t sure what time it is but his mouth tastes like something died in it so it must be late. He sits up while Seungjoon kicks his shoes off at the door. 

“Hyojin, what are you doing out here? Were you waiting up for me?” Seungjoon sits on the sliver of couch next to Hyojin and cards his fingers through his hair; Hyojin tries not to sigh into it. 

He had been waiting up a little but it’s not as if he’d admit it. 

“I was watching a movie with Yuto but I fell asleep,” he says, closing his eyes and letting Seungjoon play with his hair. 

“Must not have been a very good movie hm? Let’s get you to bed.” Seungjoon gives Hyojin’s bangs a little tug before he stands. 

They walk together to the bathroom where Hyojin leans against the doorframe while Seungjoon washes his face. 

“Where were you tonight?” He asks. 

“Ah. Hwitaek asked me to go for a drive,” Hyojin tells him quietly, not meeting his eye in the mirror. 

“A drive? Where did he take you?”

Seungjoon turns off the faucet and takes his time patting his face dry. 

“Just the river,” he says before turning to the cabinet for his toner. 

“The river?” Hyojin was vaguely aware that he was starting to sound like a parrot. “What did you do?”

Seungjoon finally looks at him and Hyojin isn’t sure what the look on his face means, it’s only there for a second before it’s replaced with a laugh. 

“What are you, my mother? Were you _worried_ about me, Hyodinnie?” He reaches out to pinch Hyojin’s cheek and he bats it away. The look Hyojin doesn’t understand flashes across Seungjoon’s face again. Hyojin stares at his feet. 

“Wasn’t _worried_ I was just wondering,” he mumbles. 

“Okay well. I’m home safe and sound so you can go to bed,” Seungjoon says carefully as he applies a sheet mask.

Hyojin knows it sounds stiff because Seungjoon can’t move his face but it sounds like a brush off all the same. The pit in his stomach opens a little wider. 

“Alright,” he says, rapping his knuckles against the door frame. “Night, Joonie.”

“Goodnight.” Seungjoon closes the door between them. 

The pit opens wider still. 

\-- 

Seungjoon isn’t home much anymore. They’re just starting to get ready to write and record for the new album so Hyojin finds ways to stay busy. He works out, he goes live, he bothers Minkyun. He doesn’t let himself think about where Seungjoon is. If he doesn’t know, he can pretend Seungjoon is in the studio practicing with Yuto and Changyoon. If he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have to think about where Hwitaek drove them and what they’re doing there. 

They all seem to understand that Hyojin doesn’t want to know about where Seungjoon goes at night. After the third time hearing “out with Hwitaek again, hyung” he’d stopped asking. 

He breaks a plate at breakfast. Seungjoon wanders in late, still rubbing the sleep out of his eye. 

“There’s extra on the stove, hyung,” Yuto tells him, getting his hair mussed for his trouble when Seungjoon walks past. 

“Thank you. I was out late with Hwitaek, I overslept,” Seungjoon says around a yawn. 

Hyojin drops his plate in the sink with a bang. He knows it’s broken as he spins on his heel and leaves. He doesn’t stay to clean it up. 

“What’s up his ass?” He hears Seungjoon ask as he walks quickly down the hall. 

He closes the door to his bedroom quietly, presses a pair of gym shorts to his mouth and screams. He screams until the ball in his hands is wet with drool and he can taste blood from where his lip split against his teeth. 

Hyojin thinks about Berlin. Thinks about the firsts Seungjoon had without him. Hyojin thinks about Hwitaek. Thinks about what firsts he might be taking from Seungjoon. He knows what that feeling in his chest had been- what it still was. He screams again. 

Hyojin had spent so long pushing Seungjoon away- literally, figuratively- but he’d always come back like a ball on a bungee. He hadn’t ever thought Seungjoon would leave him for real. 

\-- 

It comes to a head when Seungjoon sends a photo to the group chat while he’s on a separate schedule for a broadcast that may or may not ever air, it was hard to tell anymore. 

_couple hair_ the text says, with a little sticker of Ryan throwing hearts. 

Hyojin doesn’t want to open the message to see the attached photo. And when he does, he’s quite sure he’s going to throw up his own asshole because the picture he sees is of Seungjoon tucked into Hwitaek’s side, their hair in matching cuts and colors. He’d known Pentagon had been promoting their new album so Hwitaek having a new style made sense, what _didn’t_ make sense was why, out of all the styles, it was an exact match of Seungjoon’s. 

He mutes the chat before turning off his phone. He goes to the studio to go over old choreo. He needs to move or he’s going to lose his mind. 

Hyojin’s laying on his back trying to catch his breath. He can feel the sweat adhering his skin to his shirt, his shirt to the floor. He’s going to have to mop before he leaves. He’s about to peel himself off the ground when he hears the keypad jingle and knows without looking that Seungjoon caught up to him. 

“Hey, you been here all day?” He asks, folding himself down next to Hyojin. 

Honestly, Hyojin isn’t even sure how long he’s been there. Could be an hour, could be three. He makes a noncommittal noise. 

“Filming went well. Hwitaek said to tell you hi.” 

Hyojin feels the pit in his stomach start to rumble and hopes Seungjoon will take his flushing for exertion. 

“Did you see the picture I sent? You’re the only one that didn’t answer. Didn’t you think we looked cute?” Seungjoon lays down beside Hyojin. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m not ignoring you,” Hyojin tells the ceiling. 

“You won’t even look at me and I’m right next to you. You’ve been weird for weeks, Dinnie, you know you can tell me anything.” 

Hyojin turns to look at Seungjoon, finally. 

“Like you tell me everything?” 

“What are you talking about?” Seungjoon looks confused and that makes Hyojin even angrier. 

“You didn’t tell me about all these dates with Hwitaek, for one,” Hyojin says, sitting up. His shirt pulls against his back and he winces. 

Seungjoon sits up too. 

“I’m sorry you’re jealous-” Hyojin scoffs. “But you made it quite clear you weren’t interested in hearing about me going out with Hwitaek, Hyojin. I thought I was doing what you wanted.”

Hyojin stretches his neck and stands, ignoring the way his legs tremble with the movement. Seungjoon scrambles to keep on his level. 

“You’re right. I _don’t_ care. It’s not as if I could keep up with who you’re fucking anyway.” 

He hears Seungjoon gasp and he knows he’s gone too far. 

“Joon, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“No. _No_ ,” Seungjoon’s voice is loud then and Hyojin flinches away. He drops his hand from where he was reaching out to touch Seungjoon. “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to expect me to wait for you forever, Hyojin. I’ve spent our entire friendship waiting for you to see me as anything other than stupid, loud Seungjoon and you just can’t.” 

Seungjoon is shaking his head and Hyojin’s gut tightens when he sees the tears running down his face. 

“You only see me as your embarrassing slutty friend but you know what? _They_ don’t.” Seungjoon flings his hands out and gestures broadly. “They all see me for the person I am and you don’t get to make me feel bad for that. I haven’t been _fucking_ Hwitaek, Hyojin. I haven’t been _fucking_ anyone.”

“I don’t-” Hyojin tries but Seungjoon pushes past it. 

“You know why I’ve been out with Hwitaek so much? Because he understands what it’s like to be in love with your idiot asshole of a best friend and he _listens_ to me. He understands what I’m going through. I’m so tired of people not understanding me, Dinnie.” Seungjoon’s voice is quiet and he sounds so sad and Hyojin’s heart breaks. 

Hyojin reaches out again and Seungjoon lets him. He takes Seungjoon’s hand in his, like they used to when they were kids. Before Hyojin started letting what other people thought about him change the way he acted. 

“How long?”

“That first morning we met. You probably don’t even remember,” Seungjoon says, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “Stupid. Why would you remember,” he mutters under his breath. 

“The first time we met? We were just kids.” Hyojin can’t keep from sounding incredulous. 

“Yeah well. You had those big front teeth. I thought you were cute.” Seungjoon smiles a little at the memory. 

Hyojin uses the distraction to tug Seungjoon toward him. They’re standing toe to toe now. 

“Your bookbag was purple,” Hyojin tells him and Seungjoon looks up, eyes wide. “We were waiting for uniform check and you smiled at me and your bookbag,” he stops, swallows, wets his lips. He feels like they’re stepping off of something. “Your bookbag was purple.” 

“How long?” Seungjoon’s voice comes out a whisper. It’s drowning in hope. 

“Berlin.” Hyojin only realizes it’s true as he’s saying it. 

“Yah!” Seungjoon hits him in the chest. “It took you until Berlin to fall in love with me? That’s not romantic at all!” 

Hyojin grabs his hands again and pulls Seungjoon to him. 

“Joonie, I’ve loved you forever. Does it matter when I realized it?”

He can feel Seungjoon thinking it over. 

“I guess not. Why didn’t you do anything?”

“Why didn’t _you_ do anything?” 

It’s a cop out answer and they both know it. Hyojin changes the subject. 

“You know none of that stuff you said is true, right? I don’t think you’re stupid or a slut or any of that. I see you for exactly who you are.”

“And who’s that?” Seungjoon looks like he might cry again. 

“You’re my best friend. You’re the love of my life, Seungjoon.”

Hyojin thumbs away a stray tear. 

“Really?”

“Really.” 

Seungjoon smiles, huge and crooked and Hyojin’s stomach flips. It’s been too long since he’s seen that smile. 

“Do you remember in Berlin when we were at dinner talking about how we’ve had all our firsts together?” Hyojin asks and Seungjoon nods. “You said you’d had firsts without me. What were they?”

“I climbed that tree in the Lim’s yard before you did.”

“The Lim’s yard- yah! That doesn’t count. I was talking about important things! I’ve been thinking about that for years!” 

Seungjoon falls against Hyojin’s chest laughing. 

“Here, I’ll make it up to you. I just thought of another first we could have together,” Seungjoon says smiling. 

“What is it?”

And Hyojin knows before he’s even finished asking the question but the crush of Seungjoon’s lips against his is still a surprise. He steadies Seungjoon with both hands cradling his jaw, holding him still. Hyojin pulls back and there’s an answering whine. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“You’re crying again,” Hyojin tells him, wiping away the tears on his cheeks. “Come on. Let’s go clean up, we’re both a mess.” 

Seungjoon has a twinkle in his eye that makes Hyojin nervous. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything but you really do stink,” he says, waving a hand in front of his nose. 

Hyojin shoves him away.

“I’m never kissing you again,” he mutters, bending to pick up his bag and water bottle. 

“Nope!” Seungjoon hops on his back and Hyojin grunts under the weight. “No take backs! You already said you loved me.” 

“Yeah I guess you’re right. Besides, we have lots more firsts to get to.” 

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i'll be honest i'm nervous posting my first fully non-ptg fic but i hope you guys like it! 
> 
> comments and kudos would be super appreciated
> 
> cc/twt @changgukah


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